Lord, I am tired

Sometimes, I wonder why God makes us go through difficulties in life and makes life hell and unbearable. I am sure it is all for a good reason, and that He loves us very much. Seeing others struggle with stuff is painful, though, especially if you cannot do anything about it.

Sometimes, we expect God to just magically solve our problems. We expect every problem that we lift up to Him will be solved immediately and according to our whims and desires. No, God does things in His own ways. Above all, He does it for our good, and He already knew what we need and what we want even before we asked for it. God does not give physical things for our pleasure on Earth, but as tools in our efforts for His glory. God does not bless relationships so that we can flaunt or take pleasure from them, but so that we can remember that relationship is a gift from Him and our relationship with God must be right in the first place.

God presents opportunities, not physical concrete solutions that we can touch. He makes things happen, He sets in motion the wheels of time and destiny so that we can make the right decisions at the right time, at the right place and with the right people, exactly as He planned it.

Right now, I am just so tired emotionally. Just pray that God comforts and refreshes my spirit.

Living like how we are called to live

These few days, I gained new perspective as events unraveled around me. I have always regretted and strove to be a better Christian to show God’s glory and love towards others, and somehow I always fail. In a short period of few days, I learned that I really am nothing without God, just a weak human being who is lost.

Sometimes, I wonder whether what I have done, how I behave and talk truly reflects the change in my life. Whoever is in Christ is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come. Yet personally, when I look back, I regret to say that I still live like my old self. I regret that all the times and decisions that could have been more Godly were wasted. I still am selfish, self-centered and filled with negative feelings sometimes.

Have I touched others? Have I been a good influence since becoming a follower of Christ? Have I shown love and poured care, concern and boundless love for others as how I am called to live? I know I failed miserably in a lot of those aspects. Many times, I could not control my emotions and thoughts, and my judgement became blurred.

I regret all those times I lost my temperance and raised my voice, all those times wasted on earthly concerns,all those times wasted on being lazy and unproductive. I looked back and realised, gosh, two years have passed, and I still am not really living the blessed life I have been given. I really need to stop being lost and adrift, because I know God lends me His strength, if only I pray for it and use it wisely.

I really hope I can start living this blessed life meaningfully and fruitfully, to bear the fruits of the spirit, to show boundless love for my neighbours, to be the best I can be for His glory, to be His light and salt on Earth and be a part of Christ’s ministry. I refuse to waste my life living like this any longer, I really need to burn bright for God.

I learned the true meaning of forgiveness. Recently I learned that it is something so precious that we always take for granted. We sinned and yet God forgives. I have taken it for granted, now I must not forget it.

I realised that I became a Christian because I refused to live my life without an aim. Somewhere along the way, I forgot why I chose to trust God. I am really grateful because He reminded me of His love so powerfully these few days. I pray I can be a true disciple of Christ, to be an encouragement and to never be let down by life, because God is always with us.