Of cold water and crumbling self-esteem

Silence. It permeates the very air, it penetrates the brick and mortar walls of this isolated college, far from humanity, far from civilisation. Loneliness stabs the mortal heart, pierces it with the screaming agony of realisation of reality.

Everybody’s gone. Everybody. Where have they gone?

Pardon the emo-ish intro. I wanted to try my hand at writing quality prose so this is a good practice.

As to the introduction, the silence part was very much a truth. India-bound students get to go back to their homes on account of the holiday (mid-semester break) while the 1 year programme students don’t have such priviledges. Again, its one of the long list of disadvantages of being in the 1-year programme. Its not that I complain though. Reality sucks and it can whack you in the head, running away and laugh mockingly at times. The college is now more than half-empty. The silence pierces everything. It used to be quite noisy even up till midnight because the cafe is right in front of my apartment, so the noise can easily reach up to the 2nd floor. Now its only 8.50 p.m. and there’s not a single sound of laughter/jeer/noise/whatever.

Plus, its Hungry Ghost Festival. OmGwTfBbQ.

Speaking of which, yesterday and today our test papers were handed back to us. What came as a surprise was the fact that I totally failed Chemistry. I was putting high hopes on it, but it turned out that I did lots of silly and stupid careless mistakes. WtF.. I THINK I flunked it, what with the college’s passing mark being 76 and above if I’m not mistaken. Freakin’ 76, what, does the college think we’re freakin’ robots that are designed to get bloody 120 marks for the first ever test? Then again, its good for us. Pretty effective shock therapy, I’d say. On second thought, shit la. I was aghast. Impossible! Chemistry was one of my best subjects. To flunk it does wonders for one’s self esteem, the situation of which is worsened by the fact that I’m constantly surrounded by antisocial robots who eats books for breakfast. o.O

Luckily I scored 92 for Biology. It didn’t help my self-esteem though, highest mark was 96. Plus, lots of people scored more than 90 (which is grade A according to the college’s standard).

Major boo-hoo.

I feel numbed from the constant reminders the lecturers hurl at us. Top of the list: don’t fool around. Focus. Don’t fool around. Do the past year papers. Don’t play play. Do lots of practise. Don’t lose focus. Don’t find trouble. Don’t play. Don’t shit, don’t eat, don’t crap, don’t breathe. Don’t don’t don’t.

Oh, Mr. Zaini did wonders for my whole class’s self esteem by making a remark which left us gasping for breath and some even fainted:

“Your class’s Physics is hopeless.”

oMgWtFbBq.. o.O .. T.T

No hope. Sickening. Vomit blood. I literally heard the earth-shattering noise of crumbling confidence then.

LOL 8DDDDDD I’m doomed. Wahahahahahhaahahhahahahahhahahahha….

And I’m out of me mind. Macam taik!.. T.T

Post Exam Limbo

The past week had been pretty uneventful, except for the fact that we had our first exam. Thank goodness it was only an internal mid semester exam. Yet, I felt a little apprehensive and doubt that I could do well. First paper was Biology, followed by Chemistry and Physics. The tests took place over the course of 3 days, with 1 paper on each day. Interesting point to note: since we’re in the SAP (super accelerated programme, LOL I made the term up myself :P) we had to take the exam at night. Ain’t that cool or what.

Bio was okay.. Chemistry was challenging but I guess I can survive it.. the acid test came the day Physics was tested. We were told the exam would only cover until Dynamics, as far as Newton’s Laws of Motion. Out came crap like conservation of momentum and definitions of the laws where we had to explain all sorts of bloody crap and draw up equations. What la weih, our lectureres haven’t even reached there.. ==” not putting high hopes on the subject. Bluek. Sidenote: Kian Joo thinks he can’t do well in any of the subjects. He asked me to type this sentence because he’s right behind me now. =_=

I was pretty excited when my sister’s graduation day drew near, but too bad I can’t attend it. My parents came over from Sarawak, so I got the chance to go to KL on Friday. Such a short time spent with family, but very well worth it. Missed 2 days of revision but I think I can compensate for it in these couple of days. Lagging far too behind compared to the rest of my group. Swt la.. they’re so chiong and si beh rajin.. what the.. omgwtfbbq.. I shall not compare with them. Beating my own self is the ultimate aim. Wahaha..

Speaking of which, I think my English standard is deteriorating, slowly but surely. Notice how much my English changed especially the way I blog? Maybe its not so obvious because I talk crap when I blog. I’m afraid I couldn’t produce high-quality essays with bombastic and fantastic words peppered with good prose when the time calls for it – the IELTS exam next year. Swt.. I can’t think in abstract terms and come up with flowery, chim chim stuff anymore. ARghhhHHH. Stewpid. Blame it on A-levels. 8D

Gah. Nothing much to say.. That’s it for now.

p.s. I MISS SARAWAK LAKSA!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s.s I MISS MY SARAWAK FRIENDS!!! If you’re reading this, you know who you are. =)


Bluek.. exam in 3 days. OMGWTFBBQ feel like no matter how hard I study, nothing is getting in. Probably because all the stuff is almost similar to the things we learnt in Form 5.

Sien. Life in KTT is slowly becoming a routine for me. Eat, sleep, pang sai, study, eat, sleep, pang sai, study.. Looking forward to getting out of here when mid-sem exam is over. We’re going to Mid-Valley. Hell yeah 8D … but then speaking of which, our allowance still haven’t been credited into the bank account.. JPA super slow.. people here no more money liao weih..

After mid-sem, class resumes for 3 weeks before the Pre-AS exam.. WTF? This is indeed a super-accelerated program. The word is fast becoming a phrase and is integrating itself into our lexicon. Like how our Physics lecturer, Mr.Zaini says it in his distinctive style and booming voice: ” You cannot afford to fool around.. You are in a super-accelerated program. 1 year will pass by very quickly and everything is super fast. ” o.O no need rub it in lah weih..

Sigh. I really need a laptop. Sometimes I have questions regarding studies of which the answers cannot be found in any reference books.. Need to go search in Internet. But then comlab here is like kanasai.. Internet super slow.. worse than Slowmyx.. The PC is like something out of the Stone Age. Plus mana ada time come comlab just to search for answers? People have better stuff to do la.. Aduh.. I see a friend, he study very high tech one.. laptop one side, book one side, then occasionally type in laptop search for answers.. No wonder his SPM 15A1 and is one of Brand’s High Achievers’ Award recipient.. walao..

Speaking of which, I feel very stupid le being here. Everybody is like super freakin’ genius and super freakin’ hardworking.. Average study hours daily? 5 hours minimum. Average sleep time? 5 hours. OMG these people are like robots.. no need sleep, no need eat, no need pang sai, no social life. Everything is just study study study. Walao.. okay I might be exaggerating. Then again the people here ( I mean the JPA scholars la of course) are really chiong-ing.. not even exam season. I like this kind of dilligent culture though. Far better compared to the outsiders diploma students.. kanasai la.. Why open up diploma programmes for these people.. haih.

I miss Sarawak laksa.. gahhh…

That’s all for now.. nothing more to crap about..